My Sorrow and My Pain

What am i suppose to do!!, What is wrong. I Couldn't understand!!.. why i'm disgusting. why i'm friggin show off.. WHY!!!.. I'm Sorry!.. Ok, fine you block me. fine. or maybe you delete already.
but,
where is your feeling..
i stay single just for you. i break up bcos of you. i cry because of you. do i deserve all the pain.
how am i suppose to do. to make you understand. to make you want to hear everything.
My love for you were for nothing. it's all bullshit in your eyes. i want to call you in your birthday, but i'm afraid you'll reject my call. so I SMS. i even don't know will that message will ever reach your phone. all my efforts are for nothing.

Everytime. Every second. there's nothing in my mind except you. do you know how much love i keep inside my heart??.. do you know??. i'm here.. writing this.. so that you could hate me more. Hate me more. it's too painfull for me. it's not fair for me. i'm here waiting. hoping. day dreaming. praying. while you are there laughing at me. insults me.

I'm waiting till like 2am just want to know when you're going to sleep. cos you had those eye bags. and fuck. i'm praying for your happiness everytime i pray. i want you to forgive me.
but it's all for nothing.
If you could compare every guy that ever loved you with me. you'll understand. i'm sorry i hurt you. i'm sorry.
but starting today, you'll never hear a single thing about me loving you again. instead of loving. i'm trying to hate you too.. it's all too painful. to painful to bear. i could cry if keep continue writing this post.

I gotta move on, just like before.. i love you and i never regret it.. no matter how hard you hit me with your words. no matter how much pain you give it to me. no matter how deep you hate me.. i still love you.
one more thing. it was me to dare rivaldi to tell everything inside my science book to you. i'm hoping that you'll give me a good respond. but it's all bullshit. i knew it. but i'm trying.

So, goodbye. thankyou and congratulations, i hate you..

Yo. Wazzup.(Forgotten Introduction)

Yo Yo Yo.. Whazzup... Hahaha.. I Forgot to Introduce my self.. this is my 3rd blog already. So, you might understand why i forgot to intro myself.
And also due to lot's of fans that wants to know more about me too (haha jokin). I want to publish my Biodata here..

first of all, I'm just an ordinary boy. so you'll never find any Extraordinary story from me.

Biodata

Name : Muhammad Rafiul Kahfi Ananda

D.O.B : 28 September 1991, Pontianak , Kalimantan Barat , Indonesia

Age : 17

Height : 182 cm

Weight : 84 Kg

Nationality : Indonesian

Race : Indonesian (Melayu for Specific Purpose)

Blood Type : A

Religion : Muslim

Horoscope : Libra

Hobbies : Singing , Guitar-ing , Basketball, Swim, and Badminton

Summary About Me??

I'm no hero, I'm no savior, and don't expect me to become one. Some says i'm cheerful, some says i'm caring, some says i'm kind , intelligent, faithful, loving , humorous, And!!, Some says i'm jerk, i'm idiot, disgusting, pretender, betrayal, shameless, asshole and more you can think off. But that is only what they're saying. Their objective view. but what they think about me actually is a something that i didn't care about.

Ok, here we go. I'm a boy who was born with a normal condition. i'm no handicap. I'm used to be betrayed, hated, hurt, wounded. So it's nothing for me.

Responsible,Care,Loving,Faithful, Tough but Sensitive (if it's about lovelife), are my character. I ain't jokin. Because that is what people ALWAYS said to me. So, if you think i'm heartless,shameless. So you might be the one who're heartless and shameless. Cos you thought that i couldn't feel. To be honest with you. I cried sometimes. When i miss someone. When I lose something important in my life. When i pray. I'm not afraid to admit it. cos i was born with love. So, I'm really sensitive. I understand how people feel. but one thing that i couldn't understand. eventhough i know i hurt those people. but i keep on doing it?. why?.. i found the reason when i. introspect my self. That's because, I have this superb Egoistic feeling. And i don't know how to control it till recently, I found someone who could make me fight this feeling. The way she did it. she hates me. And slowly, bit by bit. I pull my self together. and in the end. i won.

And as you can see. i've changed. 100%, i want to thank her. but i can't contact her. i want to explain everything. i'll do everything. and i promise i'll do whatever she says. and this time i'm serious.

Closing

just like what i said before. i ain't hero, i ain't savior, and don't expect me to become one before i could finish what i've start. it's confidential so i won't tell you what is it.

I hope you could know me better by reading this post. thank you.

Streetball On the Move, Play It Love It, Respect. check it out and thanks for reading.

Seribu Kali Maaf

Seribu Kali Maaf

Dalam Khayalku..

Terkenang Slalu..

Dalam Hidupku..

Hanya Dirimu..

Mengapa Harus..

Aku Katakan..

Saat Kau Pergi..

Kau Lukai Aku..

Haruskah Ini..

Secepat Itu..

Kau Meninggalkan..

Diriku Ini..

Haruskah Aku..

Mengulang Kembali..

Ataukah aku harus..

Menahan Kau Pergi..

Sedari Dulu Telah..

Kukatakan Padamu..

Bila Ku Salah..

Maafkanlah Cintaku..

Sudahlah Sudah..

Kembali Dalam Pelukku..

Karena Diriku..

Masih Terlalu Mencintaimu..

Mungkinkah Aku..

Terlalu Hina Bagimu..

Ataukah Mungkin Engkau Sudah..

Tak Cinta Padaku..

Maafkan Aku..

Maafkan Saja Cintaku..

Kumohon Maaf..

Seribu Kali Maaf..

Back Drop

It's extremely cold here, i mean in my room. The aircond is on, and it's raining outside. 23:36 is the time right now.

24 more minutes before christmas. I wish you all merry christmas for those whom are celebrating.

What a crazy day, I think i saw a falling star
obviously not like this one in da picture.
i saw a falling star when i fell from that fu**ing coconut tree, it's like having a backdrop. my back hurts. my left ear bleed. my elbow bruised. and !!!. scratch EVERYWHERE

The story began in the field of a housing complex somewhere in Pontianak. it was the hottest day in December month. There are 4 people in that field, Agil,Agung,Hari and Me!.
Then, After playing for sometimes. The heat makes them thirsty. As usual there are 3 coconut trees in the area that we're used to climb and pick the fruit.

I don't know why. And I don't know how. i get myself into it. what i mean is. usually agung and agil will climb and pick the fruit but today!!.. is special. and fuck that, it was such a disaster, that i dare myself to climb.

1st tree was ok. 2nd tree there is no fruit to pick, yea so!, i don't climb it!. but then. 3rd tree. it's like i'm being punished by the god. or maybe karma starts to show its role in my life.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7 till 8th step it was ok. i reach the top. pick 3 fruits. in total there are 5 of 'em.

Then, when i start to go down. this is where the climax is. it's like the tree start shaking, i lose my touch and grip. my hands are no longer able to hold and.. Braaakk!!.. it's like a gigantic coconut is falling. And FUCK!. it wasn't a soft ground. i fell on the hardest part of the ground, i fell on a rock first before i hit the concrete ground.

The Pain was unimaginable. instead of laughing. my friends help me. that's so rare cos usually they laugh. but no wonder they help me. when they start to run towards me. i notice that my left ear is bleeding. +- 3.3 meters in height. imagine if you fell from that height and hit a rock followed with concrete ground. Once i hit the ground, my vision was blur. i can't move my body. paralyzed for like 20 secs.

After few hours. the bruises starts to showing off. it is blue coloured. and shit. it's damn painful.
but it was a worth fall.. i can drink that tasty coconut water and i can taste what does it likes to be a stuntman lots of things that i could learn. what a day!!.

There's nothing that will be able to kill me, except god. and you!!.. hehe.
Wish me get better soon kayz.. hikz.. still painful.. i didn't post any pic of me cos. haha.. i got bandaged all over the place. i'm too naughty don't i. haha.. =)

Daily Activities

4 more months to go.. what a long time.. if you're me.. then you'll know how boring it is to wait.. and wait.. i'm swearing almost everyday.. swearing the day.. cos it's damn boring..

however, thanks to all of my friends. They're able to make me busy. so, say good bye for boredom. Thanks to my phone. ALWAYS ringing.. compare when i was in kuching.. there is no single ring from it.. . Thanks to my Laptop for providing me the entertainment.

Daily activities.
1. Woke up always between 8-10.. if i extremely tired maybe i woke up on 11..
2. Exercising for 15 min
3. Laptop-ing (it's uncertain what time i'll finish)
4. Basketballing in the afternoon.. 3-5.
5. Guitaring at night
6. Sleep at 12++

those are the list of my daily activities.. BOOOORIIIING!!!.. you should understand what i meant by BOOORINNNGG!!!...

ckckc... i'm single right now.. and planning to find a nice GF for me.. so that i can change my daily activities.. hahahahah..
Wish Me LUCK!!!.... kidding... i don't plan anything.. i'm single and lovin it..

Crrazzzzyyy Things..

Here is some example that you shouldn't do..

1st. Climbing up a transmission tower for fun 2nd. pee-ing in public hahahaha..
3rd. Pull your friend's shorts down when he is going to get a shot from the camera..

Anyway, that's only for fun.. hahaha.. i'm so tired!!........

Current Status.

Now it's 13.30 in Pontianak.. And i'm completely TIRED!!!.. my body hurts. bruises on my head and on my arm. pui pui!!.... just went back from anton's house doing things about Singapore Polytech. translating anton's birth certificate. aaaaaahhhhh... my neck hurts.

i'm planning to buy an accoustic guitar. bcos the electric one have to be repaired. i don't know what's wrong. recently i'm composing a song.. in indonesian. i'm not good at composing song using english.. the lyrics will be like.. hmm you know what it'll look like..

Saatnya Pergi

Sudah Kucoba..

Melawan Hatiku tuk Kesekian Kali..

Namun Masih Tak Dapat Kuhindari..

Rasa Yang Masih Kumiliki..

Berhenti Lah Tuk Menyakiti..

Karna aku tak kan mencintai..

Segenap Jiwa telah ku pendam..

Saatnya Pergi..

Reff:

Dan Bila Na...nti

Kita Berjumpa Lagi..

Kumohonkan Kau Tuk Maafkan Aku..

Andai Aku.. Mampu..

Kan Ku Lakukan Semua..

Demi Dirimu.... Demi Hatiku...

Tuk Melupakanmu..

Bridge:

Karena Ku Tlah Jatuh..

Karena ku Tlah Terluka..

Biarkan Aku Sendiri..

Reff 2:

Izinkan Ku.. Mengingat Dirimu..

Meski Kau.. Tlah Lupakanku..

Sungguh Tak Bisa.. Untuk.. Lepaskanmu..

Kita Bisa..ooo.. Tuk Lupakan.. hmm..

Rasa indah.. yang pernah..

tercipta..

coda:

Karena Ku pasti.. Kan slalu.... mencintaimu..

i didn't post any chords here.. because you might don't know how to sing it. haha.. that's just completely a lyrics without any tones.. but hopefully i'll post the video.. its a nice song..

Bottomline.

this song give you a picture about. Unacknowledged love. A Person that try too hard to make someone he loved to love him back. but instead of love. his efforts were backfired. she hates him..

and then this song tells him how hard it is for him to let go of her. even if he really want to get over it.. he fails. his feeling is stronger than himself. Then.. the coda or the end.. it short but gives you a clear view.. it's obvious.. he will always love her.

Urm.. this song actually created from my own story to be honest with you.. there fore it's easier for us to manage and create a good lyrics from the gneral idea.

Beat by Agil. Lyrics and Chords(soon) by Raffi . Melody by Decky . Arrangement by Agung.

i'll post the video soon..

a.K.a wHatEvEr

It's been a while. Since i first start dribbling basketball. now i've move on into a new challenge in basketball journal. A game that consist of accuracy,creativity and speed. A new type of game that i've never encountered before. Yeah. Streetball-ing.

Creativity,Speed,Accuracy is needed in this game. bcos score is not an important factor in this game. but point. each time you do a trick and succeed you'll be given a point depend on how hard and how creative you do it. the more difficult the trick is. the more point you gain. and IF you're able to trick somebody till he lose his balance or even fall. You get the ANKLE-BREAKER point. that's definitely a super high point.

a.K.a wHatEvEr. that's my name. wHatEvEr. because i don't care about what people say about my trick. but so far there's none of them that making fool of me cos of my trick. slip and slide.where you looking at. are some examples of the tricks. needs patient to learn this shit!. seriously. once you master it. you'll enjoy it to the MAX!!

conventional basketball and Streetball is a completely different. In streetball there's only few rules that you've to obey. but in conventional. it's like fuck!!.. there's lot's of em. haha..

Just like what i says.. PLAY IT. LOVE IT!!

Haahaa.. Betapa Hancurnya (by sheila on7- betapa) video clip cut. (hoho)

Yo. Wazzup

a.K.a Respector vs a.K.a Whatever.. he's my neighbour and my cousin too!!. what a coincidence.

Water World

J.C Oevang Oeray. weird name don't you think. but that's how an OLD Indonesian wrting is.
J.C Oevang Oeray (read : Uvang Uray). Old indonesian writing for U is OE. and for J is Dj. so if you ever went to indonesia and saw an old building says like Djakarta.. Or Sampoerna.. don't laugh. cos that's how we did it.

Anyway J.C Oevang Oeray. The Only place for us Pontianakers to swim. Aside from the Kapuas River of course. All of my friend just received their report card yesterday so. for the next two weeks will be a HOLIDAY SEASON. Therefore, today we went to J.C Oevang Oeray Water Park (that's what is says in the Sign Board. but last year it says swimming pool right there =_=!)

Anyway. we spent more than 3 hours there. we depart from our house on 7 Am. arrived on 7.07 we all rushing there by bike. cos it's holiday season. it must be crowded over there. we had lot's of fun eventhough some of us got somecuts and bruises (me too of course and it still painful till right now). we seldom gather together. but today is special. we're planning this like about 3 days before so we could set our schedule. Busy people! duh.

one thing that i don't like from swimming. is getting WET. duh!! hahah.. there's 11 of Us right there. Agung,Agil,Yeda,Gopin,Robi,Hary,Harris,Reza,Puput,Dewi and Me.. eventhough it's completely crowded over there. i mean in the pool. but still we're the loudest. we're the craziest. we're the funniest. some of us actually got scolded by the lifeguard overthere cos we did some stupid shit. haha. i'm serious!!.

I'm getting darker, the others too. cos this morning it was sunny. but now it's cold and raining 22:20. i'm happy more than ever. cos i forgot everything. my worries was covered by our laugh and cheers. my sadness just disappear just like a ghost.

I don't know how to edit a picture. cos i'm an original person. haha!. here is some pictures that my friend and i took during these happy times. Olympus. 6 Mpx. haha.. easy to handle.
Don't laugh ok!!.. i know i'm fat. but still handsome as usual. wehehek..

Phew..

I Never felt so tired like this before..
Since morning i've been so busy doing stuff. Fax to Ngee-ann Polytech. i'm applying for 2 polytech currently. but all i want is to enter Singapore Poly. so if my application is rejected. it'll be a big disaster for me.
but my tiredness is not because of that. i'm tired cos i've to do some shit like moving things cos since heavy rainfall for the last 2 days.. has caused flooding in Pontianak.
Fuuuccckk.. that is what i want to say. My parents are using me. ckckc.. i've been working like a horse. Lifting. Carrying. Pushing. Pulling. Throwing. If i have to do this everyday. maybe in like
2 weeks you'll see my body is like Those body builder. hahaha.

Every second i heard these shouting.. "Fikri, Bantu mama Angkat Ini". "Fikri, Bantu Tata Ambil Itu". "Fikri, Tolong Bawain Lemarinya keatas"..
FIKRI.. that's how my family call me.. that's actually have nothing to do with my full name
MUHAMMAD RAFIUL KAHFI ANANDA. but why in the hell they call me fikri.. i don't know!!..

i had these 3 nick name
1st at home. IS FIKRI
2nd in school in pontianak is KAHFI
3rd in school in Kuching is RAFFI

like.. i've got so many names.. it's like i'm a secret agent. ckckc.. what a mess.

I'm miss my friend.. they all scattered now.. some are going to the west, some to east, some to north and some to south.. i'm the only one who stay in the center.. hahaha..

i'll be moving to singapore by the end of march. if i'm accepted in SP or NP..
i'm bored here.. i just want to start my school life again!!

Friendship

It Never End. Even When You Hate Each Other.

that is the thing that i realised when i put an extra effort to think about it.

Laughter, Fights, Insults, Happiness, Jokes and Cries occur naturally. And one thing about friendship that makes me happy. It makes me forget about my sadness, and when i remember about it, i smile and laugh like a mental disorder person.

Other than that. Friendship Reunite everything. When you thought Friendship will just only bring Memories. then you're wrong.

There's More to Come..

Love You. Love Me. Love Everyone. Especially Friends

Music In Our Life

Everyone Should Know What Is Music. Music Is an arrangement of tones when they all joined together it will produce a very beautiful sound.
Some of us will felt this somekind of feeling that will cause an electric buzz in your body when you heard this sound.
Music. Is a good way to express your feeling. therefore most of the composers will only compose a song when they feel the need to create one. usually it's because of the pressure of their heart. when they sad, when they happy, when they anxious.
That is why each song has it's own characteristic. some song can only be played in MINOR chords. such as Take A Look at Me Now (phil Collins) b'cos Minor Chords is a symbol for a melancholic song.
Then a Major Chords. such as Everything (Michael Buble) b`cos Major Chords is a symbol for a happy song.
As far as the chords involved. by seeing the chords. you'll know how to determine what kind of song is that.

As a Composer. me. I indirectly represent all of the composer all around the world. To Compose a song. you don't need talent. gift or whatever that necessary. because melody doesn't created because of gift. it came from your heart. and with a little creativity. you can produce a very good music for yourself.

I knew this stuff cos i've been composing songs for 3 years now. and i dont think it is hard to compose. So When you sad, When you happy. try to strum your guitar, play your keyboard as in music instrument not that fucking computer keyboard =_=!!.. play your violin. and start singing..

Your heart will tell you.
Your Song will relief you.
The Melody will take you to the cloud 9.

So Be Creative and Start composing!!!...