S.H.A.M.E

Assalamualaikum semua,

Today's topic will be in english, since iam back in Malaysia (once again).. And i need some practice in writing , grammar and etc.

Looks like, i took a wrong time to write, since i'm in a not-very good mood.., anyway , since it has come to this, Then i should just tell you what i feel all this time..

It's all started, 5 months ago..
On a Internet Site, Called "Radio PPI Dunia"..

well, at first.. I don't really understand what kind of thing will be served for me inside that URL,,
I thought it was just a silly radio, that would make my day a bit happier,,

But it turns to something more unpredictable,,,
I met alot of a great guys out there.. they were incredibly able to make me laugh harder, and harder each and every day.. thanks to you guys..

There's a lot of happiness and sadness inside those .. , at first i was just a chatboxer
but , i was invited to a skype call, and so on.. now i've lots of friends there, and bla bla bla.. there goes my stories.. until now,,

but it's not what i want to talk about..

Today's topic is S.H.A.M.E , which stands for , Someone He Always Miss Everyday,,

Okay for today's topic i will be honest on this one, since.. i don't have much choice,, so be grateful and read it.. till the end,

Someone he always miss everyday, obviously.. that would be a girl , i know you jerk would think that i'm gay right??.. Grrrr..

Yes, i have come to conclusion , that what i felt is no normal thoughts , not a silly feeling.. it's love .. L.O.V.E , that stands for LAME ORGAN VACCINATION ENTERPRISE.. ,,
sorry i was joking.. you should know what is LOVE.. okay?? :)

for these past few months, i was hesitating.. , i was joking around too much, saying loveeee, honey bunny,, darling .. and etc, to any girl that i was chatting with..
this is due to my stress of "SINGLE-NESS", well in short.. i was LONELY.. as in LONE and LY,

I mean, this is normal.. that's what Cindy said.. (if you don't know Cindy, don't bother to ask me who she is),,, she means that everyone will get lonely and need some attention..

well, enough, stop..
this is just a waste of time so let's go to the main point..

Yes, i'm in Love,,, to a girl that older than me..
Who is she??... it's a job for you to find out..

I never thought that this would end up like this.. , i don't know why , and i don't know how it starts.. i thought it was just a simple thought, but then, this buzzing electricity won't stop my heart to beat slower, everytime i saw her pictures,, (yes only pictures , i never met her too)

"What, are you crazy?? that's against your principal??, and also you like someone that's older than you, you are insane??" ... this question once asked by my best friend, a girl that always share her stories with me.. (she knows me more than anyone except my family)..

yes, it's againts my principal.. it's againts my thought, i broke my own rule.. but i don't know.. it's just happened.. out of sudden,.. i can't even explain,,

what should i do???... i kept asking this question myself,
you're not that close with her..
you don't know what she did every day..
you don't know what kind of family she has..
you don't know the thing that she treasures the most..

What kind of person am i??.. Loving someone whom i never met, whom i never share my stories with.. it's just absurd don't you think??..

Anyway.. i'll stop,, i don't want do spill more of my secrets.. unless,,, unless... yea unless..

Here's a Poem that i wrote for her, few hours ago.. In indonesian of course.. i don't really like to make poem in English , unless it was asked by the person it self.. so here goes..

Dia mungkin tak sempurna,
Dia mungkin tak seperti yang aku harapkan,
Namun apakah yang aku rasakan
Inikah namanya jatuh cinta.

Kucoba tuk tepis semua harapku
Hingga kubisa lupakan semua tentangmu
Namun Egoku tak mampu mengalahkan hatiku
Hingga akhirnya aku jatuh untukmu.

Kau bersinar bagai bintang
Sedangkan aku hanya bisa memandang
Kau mewarnai asaku bak pelangi
Dan kini kucoba tuk bisa memiliki

Khayalku berhenti setelah ku tahu
Kau mencintai seseorang yang bukan aku
Mungkin engkau memang bukan untukku
Tapi kau bermakna dunia dihatiku

Jika memang tak pernah ada kesempatan,
Ku akan terus melawan
Aku selalu mengalah pada keadaan
Hingga aku selalu merasa kesepian..

Jika kau tak bisa cintai aku,
Kan Kubuat kau rindukan aku,
Jika kau tak bisa tuk mengingat aku,
Kan Kubuat kau selalu mimpikan aku

Kuching , 20 Maret 2010 , 01:29 Pagi ..
By Rafi